Building Harmony:
Symmetry and harmony are found everywhere in nature. If you take a growing sapling you could observe that there is symmetry among the branches along the central stems related to growth rate and light level. The branches are so spaced and spread that all upcoming branches would get equally the sunlight which is essential for growth. As the sapling grows taller into a tree, there is increase in branch length at the bottom with increasing light and growth rate for the upcoming branches above. And there is not only symmetry but architectural beauty as well.[1] The giant flowers, such as sunflower, pineapple, pine cone etc, demonstrate a hidden mathematical rule shaping the pattern, which is the Fibonacci sequence, a set in which each number is the sum of the previous two.[2] And the sunflower always faces the sun and when there is no sun, they face each other. This could be an example of today’s theme of symphony of harmony in friendship. As a sunflower we look up to God whenever we need His blessings; and we look at each other, among friends, for love and support.
The disciple asked his Guru: What is important – the journey or the destination? The Guru replied, “Neither, it is the company that is most important”. In our life, friends are very important and when we have right and inspiring friends they would accompany us in our life-journey till we reach our destination. Hostel creates the atmosphere and possibilities to find friends and to cultivate lasting, meaningful, and useful friendship that would stand the test of time. Growing in friendship involves interest and commitment: Just like the branches of the tree growing in harmony, we need to cultivate graceful and meaningful friendship. We need to spend time with our friends – At times we even need to ‘waste’ quality time with a friend in order to learn about him/her in order to find what is common between me and him/her in order to discover harmony. In this process we need to be honest – Nothing fake or for the show: We follow our inner instinct about the person who is friendly. Then, we need to listen to the other – friendship is a two-way process and it starts with listening to the other. Listening kindles liking for the other and that in turn becomes affection, friendship, and at times love, even exclusive love. This listening often brings in changes within and in our day to day life as well. Once there is commonality in our likes, hobbies etc we feel a growth in understanding the other and we grow in harmony. At one point, this admiration for the other even brings in awe and silence. Friendship does not mean that we have to be chatting with each other all the time. Even the very presence of a friend induces a sense of comfort and inner peace. This is the ultimate criteria to measure the maturity of our friendship. Friendship is like a rose flower, which is made of beautifully arranged petals. In the same way, we need to identify and grow in friendship as mentioned above. As each friend is a beautiful and fragrant rose, we create a garland of friends when we make a number of friends. And that is the symphony of friendship, rich in admiration and mutual love.
St Ignatius would give a caution: Can every type of friendship be good? He would use two words tantum quantum – The Latin phrase means ‘so much as much’. This implies one needs friendship with a person in so far that person is helpful in finding meaning in life as a true companion to journey with us. It is not becoming friendly with everyone I come across in life; but I observe, reflect, and decide who would be helpful for me as an inspiring companion in life, especially at times of need. It is said: A friend in need is a friend indeed. This is mainly to caution about ‘instant friendship’ and getting attached to a person at the first sight. The disciple asked the Buddhist Guru: Can I send email? The Guru replied, “Yes, but without attachment”. Before we become attached with someone we need to pause and discern whether I find meaning in the friendship. Then the friendship would bring in harmony, otherwise dissent and bitterness. Today we often hear about friendship that originates via FaceBook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Twitter etc which very often, for lack of proper information, knowledge, and understanding about the other, becomes hasty relationship and finally ends up on the rock with disappointment, disgrace, and often disfigure.
Insight from today’s Readings:
In today’s readings we get practical tips about making friendship and how to live out a full and meaningful life. St Paul enlightens the Ephesians that life is like surfing on the waves – There would be ups and downs. Our experience as well as expectations would vary. When we are children our thoughts and feelings were innocent; while we become adults we acquire practical and meaningful ways of getting to know people and we form friends circle as teams with a purpose – It could be just an entertaining or time-pass; it could be to achieve something for the good of all; or it could be a stepping stone for leadership for social transformation. The world of ‘cunning and craftiness with deceitful scheming’ (Eph 4:14) should change over to a world of goodness and service. The way, as Paul says, is that “we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Eph 4:15). At the same time, Paul cautions us: We have to be careful not to be drawn by the sensuality of the consumeristic society; but we should be driven by the sensitivity to do our best for the least. He also underlines that our way of life is not being drawn along the current in the world but to create counter-culture of ethics, that is, whatever we do should be for our own good as well as for the good of others. In the words of Paul, our life should be ‘in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus’ (Eph 4:21).
This change over or transformation is possible provided it starts from within – from you and me. And the key or mantra is ‘love’. The only command that Jesus ever gave his disciples is: Love one another (Jn 13:34). The question is: How much should I love others? The response of Jesus is: as much as I have loved you. He also indicates the external sign of this loving others is, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (Jn 13:35). So in life’s journey, the propelling dynamism is love and that love is to be shown in deeds and not merely in words. It was the hallmark of the Christians in the first century, for they were one in heart and mind (Act 4:32). And there was harmony among them as a social community and as a group of disciples following the way of Jesus. Each one gave the community as much as one can; and each one received from the community as much as one needed – This was harmony.
Symphony of Harmony:
Now, harmony would evolve as symphony. Human beings are social beings, implying we are invited to live in groups. The richness of this living with others is based on our common social understanding and religious care and share based on equality, dignity, and fraternity. Once a sociologist visited an African village to study the behavior of people. He collected the children in a group and took them to the nearby forest. Over there, he kept a basket full of sweets under a tree at a distance and told the children, “Whoever runs first and reaches the basket gets all the sweets.” The children looked at each other for a moment. Then, they held each other’s hands and ran together and took the basket of sweets and shared among themselves. This is called the Ubuntu principle, which says: ‘I am because we are’. That is, I am a cumulative product of the Community I live in and I have an obligation to live with others for the wellbeing of all. Once there was a running race for the differently abled children – They started running at the signal and after a few seconds a child fell down on the track. The others stopped for a moment, went back, helped the child get up – Then, all of them ran together. All were declared winners of the race. This is the harmony of friendship we are invited to live. And the atmosphere in the hostel is very much conducive to develop friendship and to build up harmony as well.
Building Friendship:
Hostel day is a day when we look back and admire our own achievements and we also look at the chances we missed in the past to do our best. It is an occasion to learn for the future. And it is also an opportune time to build up or strengthen our dream for the future. We might become excellent in academics and we might shape up as efficient employees, but the test piece is not how many medals we win and how many certificates we collect but how many true friends we have earned for ourselves. While we are here, as equals, let us nurture friendship which would bring in supportive system for us later.
As we grow in friendship with our friend or friends and as we seek something good and lasting in each other, let us realize that friendship opens up:
A path of encounter to face challenges in the future with the help of friends;
A path of knowing a person with his/her light and shadow to become more humane;
A path of belief bringing in the hope that I am not alone in this world;
A path of expectation from the world to achieve greater things with more hands of friends;
A path of confrontation arising from the unequal and unjust world to face boldly;
A path of commonality with strength to treat all as equals;
A path of separation as we may not be together always but no distance is barrier to friendship;
A path of reunion when we meet later, perhaps after many months or many years or even decades;
A path of walking together with people we admire and admit into our lives.
We came into the world alone and we would leave the world alone – There is no choice nor exemption. But we have the choice of finding friends while alive and let us earn as many friends as possible. Every person in our lives is unique and one of its kind – Let us see this unique beauty in others and enrich it. And that makes friendship harmonious and melodious. When we have so many understanding and loving friends that is the harmony of friendship which makes us live a happy and content life. And success is an outcome of this harmony.
Symphony in Friendship:
Seven colours make a rainbow; 7 musical chords make a melody; 7 days make a week; 7 continents make a world; and 7 beautiful letters make us FRIENDS. To build up a nest of friendship and to compose the harmony we need time and efforts. We need to ‘waste quality time’ with our friends. A group of friends are not cloned persons – Each one has his/her character and uniqueness. The rainbow is beautiful but it has got different colours. People may have preference for one colour or other, but all like the rainbow. This is the same with a group of friends: Each one might be different but what is important is that all stand together in life and walk together.
There is another harmony of friendship we need to cultivate. It is friendship with God. We need to ‘waste’ or spend time with God in prayer. Moses ‘wasted’ 40 days on Mount Sinai and received 10 Commandments, the regulatory directions from God to humankind. Jesus ‘wasted’ 40 days in the desert and understood the frailty of human beings who have the passion for possession, position, and power and He overcame the power of the evil. And we are in the midst of 40 days of Lent. We are invited to meet God. We take the first step and God takes care of the rest. We move towards God walking; and God comes to us running. In fact, God would be ready to meet us where we are – Only, we have to be willing and available to meet Him. And we should have the alertness to meet that God. Prophet Elijah went to Mount Horeb to meet God: He met God but how? As he was waiting to meet God, there was a violent tempest, and then a frightening earthquake followed by a devastating fire, but God was not there. And then, a gentle breeze came in and Elijah found God and God spoke to him in a small still voice (1 Kg 19:11-13). God speaks in the silence of the heart. But “you may have to disconnect in order to connect – disconnect with the world of noise to connect with silence, where God speaks to you in a different way. You cannot change our noisy world, but you can disconnect from time to time, to give yourself the gift of silence.”[3]
Today too God speaks in our inner small still voice and let us listen to him and make friends with God which is the root in order to make branches of friends with our fellow human beings. Our God is a God of surprise. God, as our best friend, stays on with us in the ocean of life, as the sail of hope and rudder of conviction to reach the goal in life. Amidst tempest of devastation or disappointment, the Lord of Storms brings in calm and peace in us harmony of mind, heart, and hand and everywhere around us. God desires to communicate with us all the time; but when we open up ourselves to Him, He reveals Himself to us. Let us meet that God of surprise in order to become friendly with Him and in and through Him we build a home of friends in LoHo which would eventually become a symphony of harmony in friendship.
Francis P Xavier SJ
10Mar2023
[1] D.A. King et al, Relationship between branch spacing, growth rate and light in tropical forest saplings, Functional Ecology, 11 (1997) 627-635, In: https://besjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1046/j.1365-2435.1997.00138.x
[2] https://www.science.org/content/article/sunflowers-show-complex-fibonacci-sequences#:~:text=The%20giant%20flowers%20are%20one,.)%2C%20found%20in%20everything%20from
[3] J. Martin, The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything, HarperOne, New York, 2010, p.141.